


Sinners

by FanFicReader01



Series: Crazyverse [6]
Category: Poets of the Fall
Genre: Hope, Love, M/M, The Director - Freeform, implied Jaska/Markus, relationships, small mention of jani, small mention of olli, spoilers sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 11:14:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11827578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanFicReader01/pseuds/FanFicReader01
Summary: Inspired by Sinners ~ Lauren AquilinaAnother prequel oneshot, this time looking closer at the relationship between Jaska and Markus.





	Sinners

**Author's Note:**

> POV switch between Jaska and Markus, I hope it will be understandable whos perspective it is every time

**_Our lives are stories, waiting to be told_ **

**_In search of silver linings, we discovered gold_ **

**_And judgement taught us that our hearts were wrong_ **

**_But they're the ones that we'll look down upon_ **

 

_The night was still young but everyone was tired as usual. Crazy Jani was already sleeping._

_I was just about to sleep as well when I heard a low growling and the cursing of the guards._

_‘Shut the fuck up, animal!’, one guard snapped as the door of our barracks got swung open._

_The guards left the lights out and I saw there must’ve been five guards surrounding the new Freak._

_It was a whole struggle and the newcomer didn’t seem to give up easily._

_Finally the guards and the Freak reached my cage and opened it._

_‘Back off’, one of the guards warned me and I did as he said. Didn’t want to start unnecessary trouble._

_I stepped back until I hit the wall behind me._

_Then the new Freaks got brutally thrown inside. Quickly the guards closed the cell and left the barracks._

_I looked at the rookie. He was unusual hairy and I bet that’s the very reason why he was brought here._

_Instead of just ogling him and asking him about his appearance, I decided to show my compassion. After all, I had seen stranger things in the past._

_Poor guy must’ve had a rough trip to the Circus._

_‘Are you alright, sir?’, I asked him quietly._

_‘Back off or I’ll hurt you’, the stranger snarled immediately at me. I remained motionless and let the new Freak crawl up. I assumed it was his defensive behaviour and I couldn’t blame him._

_Once he got up, he appeared to be taller than me. His fierce eyes with a hint of gold in them, stared into my brown eyes._

_He spat some blood on the floor. ‘What you looking at, huh? Am I that special to you?’, he growled._

_I decided to step a bit closer towards him._

_‘Of course you’re special. Everyone is’, I replied as friendly as I could._

_‘Oh cut the philosophical crap’, the newbie grunted annoyed._

_‘My name’s Markus but most people call me Patchwork. Pleased to meet you’, I carefully stuck out my hand._

_‘Oh, I’m- you don’t need to know’, the rookie quickly retreated his hand as soon as he saw what I looked like. It made me slightly chuckle._

_‘Alright. You don’t have to say anything. I’ll leave you be. You might want to have that blanket and mattress in the corner.’_

_The stranger blinked at the objects and also let his gaze hang on Crazy Jani._

_‘He’s sleeping, don’t you worry about him’, I said in a reassuring tone._

_‘W-What about you?’, the new man muttered as he glared at his own feet to avoid my gaze._

_‘It’s okay. You’re new here, so you deserve all the comfort I can offer you at the moment’, I smiled_.

 

**_The rules say our emotions don't comply_ **

**_But we'll defy the rules until we die_ **

 

_In the beginning I thought Markus only pretended to be a nice guy but he really meant it. His friendly attitude was genuine._

_Before I got thrown into this cage like an animal, I thought everyone would be severe so I readied myself for what might come. I knew soon enough I should show_ no _emotions._

_If they wanted to have a ruthless beast as their new attraction, then so be it._

_But then Markus happened and I could no longer hide behind my coat of fur and bottled-up anger._

_Markus knew how to treat me. He knew how to approach me. He was so patient with me and so I slowly started to open up to him and showed him my real self._

_I wasn’t afraid anymore._

_\--_

_‘Yes, Markus. I’m very afraid I might die tonight. Or maybe tomorrow, or over a few days or weeks’, I exhaled._

_‘You’ve become a great performer and you learn fast’, Markus praised me._

_‘I know. But they don’t give us another choice’, I growled as I helped him lift a heavy box._

_‘It will be alright, Jaska. I know you think of me as a naïve optimist but I’m very aware of all the risks and threats in this world. Heck, I’m living here my whole life’, Markus muttered._

_My eyes met his. They looked calm._

_‘Markus, tell me. Just how do you stay so positive about it all? Haven’t you lost your hope yet?’, I wanted to know._

_We struggled towards a new tent where we dropped the box and started carrying a new one._

_‘I don’t know. I’ve asked that question myself many times. I try to live in the moment. If that makes sense to you? Like, I try to take pleasure in the smaller things’, Markus tried to explain and I simply nodded._

_‘Good’, I commented._

_‘Although I try to live in the moment, I also try to think ahead and look back to learn from my past mistakes. The diary, for example, is a great help to that.’_

_Ah yes, the Son of the Director also offered me a diary to write in. I never saw its purpose but now that Markus mentioned it again, I should give it a try._

_‘So what do you write in it?’, I wanted to know._

_‘The diary? A lot. I’m counting the days in it. It’s quite depressive to do, but then at least I won’t lose track of the time. Besides that, I out my thoughts, ideas and all’, Markus now lowered his voice so no one could eavesdrop on us._

_\--_

_One night I got traumatized. I was performing and so was another Freak. It was one of the rookies._

_His name was Jakob. Twenty years old. Same age when I got brought to the Circus._

_He had to walk over the rope that hung in the air. He was terrified for it was his first live performance. Poor kid was trembling like a leaf. Some other Freaks had tried to calm him down but it was all in vain._

_I knew I shouldn’t have stepped in but I did. And I had snapped at him._

_‘Cut the crap and be a man! That’s the only way to make it here!’, I had barked at him._

_No, I shouldn’t have done that._

_I think I only worsened his anxiety. He didn’t talk to me after that anymore. And he didn’t even gave me a side-glance when he came onstage._

_I was jumping, rolling and wrestling through burning rings when it happened. I couldn’t concentrate properly on my own act because Jakob was up there, balancing on the thin thread._

_The rope was shaking as much as the boy._

_When I saw him fall my mouth got opened but it didn’t produce any sounds. I didn’t care if my own costume caught a little fire when I didn’t make my next jump through a ring perfectly._

_The audience gasped and everything went in slow-motion for me. I ran, tried to catch the other Freak._

_But alas, I was too late._

_In  a reflex I turned my head away from the massacre. Somewhere in the audience I heard the Director shout at me. He wanted me to continue the act. That bastard._

_They dragged the boy’s broken body away and I performed on auto-pilot._

_When I got returned to my cell, Markus’ performance had finished earlier and he was inside already._

_I landed with a thumb on the cold stones and just gazed into the darkness I got thrown in again._

_‘Jaska?’, somewhere in my stunned mind I heard my friend call out to me._

_‘I’m gone, Markus. Not now’, I growled absently._

_A gasp escaped me when I felt a sudden hand on my shoulder. In a reflex I pulled the hand away and then I saw my friend’s worried eyes._

_‘You’re hurt’, he commented on the blemish on my shoulder._

_‘It’s nothing ,really. Fire caught my shoulder a little. Don’t worry so much’, I grunted but Markus knew of course there was a bigger story behind the “It’s just an accident” thing._

_I wanted to speak up when guards entered the barrack. Someone was singing. Crazy Jani, I immediately guessed for he was not in our cell yet._

_‘M-Markus! M-Markus!’, the man exclaimed as soon as he joined us. He jumped around until Markus had to put him onto the floor._

_‘Calm down, Jani. What happened?’_

_‘J-Jakob d-died. J-Jakob fell f-from the h-heavenly rope!’, Crazy fussed while making wild gestures with his arms. The mention of the rookie made the knot in my stomach tighten and before I got to control it, I puked._

_Soon after I felt Crazy’s bony hand rub over my back to comfort me._

_‘How? How do you know?’, I growled. Most of the time the death of a rookie or a Freak in general goes unnoticed at first. So how did Crazy know?_

_‘I-, I s-saw it w-when I was i-in the “attic” of t-the c-circus!’, he stammered a reply._

_‘You know what, maybe it’s better if you go and sleep already’, Markus suggested to the other man._

_Jani obeyed and crawled up in the corner to give Markus and me some space._

_‘You’re hurt all over again, huh?’, Markus repeated his question. I didn’t want to cry. I didn’t want to look weak even though I knew Markus wouldn’t think of me as a weak person._

_Still, I wanted to stay strong._

_I never liked it when my true nature showed through my hatred and anger._

_In silence my friend wrapped an arm around my apparently trembling body._

_‘Hush. C’mon, you can cry. We can mourn until we fall asleep.’_

_‘I don’t want to’, I started to snivel. ‘Not again.’ It had been only three weeks since another rookie died during an accident._

_‘Crying helps a lot, you know? To get things off your chest? You don’t have hide your emotions for me’, Markus whispered as he let me rest my head on his shoulder._

_‘But… emotions don’t matter here. They make you weak’, I counter._

_There was hesitating chuckle coming from my friend’s throat._

_‘Our feelings_ do _matter, Jaska. They’re important. They make us more_ human _than the “Normal Ones”’, he reassured me. Maybe Markus was right._

_‘Don’t let this place take away your emotions’, he whispered and then I felt a soft kiss against my head._

**_You showed me feelings I've never felt before_ **

**_We're making enemies, knocking on the devil's door_ **

**_But how can you expect me not to eat,_ **

**_When the forbidden fruit tastes so sweet?_ **

 

_Love seemed to be a forbidden word. It seemed to be a non-existing thing in the cruel world that was the Circus._

_Yet, the little word that contained more than just one meaning, found its way into that darkness._

_Neither Markus nor Jaska would’ve thought they’d find love in each other._

_Yes, they had become good friends and they trusted each other and they shared so many things together but they never thought it would become more than that._

_\--_

_Things were changing inside me. I really liked Markus._

_He was my best friend in this shithole. He always tried to make me happy and in return, I wanted him to be happy._

_He was a strong man with a good will. Markus always wanted the best for the others. He was basically the spiritual leader of the Freaks._

_But being a leader is a difficult task and I could see how it sometimes wore Markus down._

_He was always comforting others, to make them feel safe and secure._

_Markus, however, sometimes was also in need of comfort and support. So I tried to provide it._

_If he got tired and felt sad, I hugged him and held him in my arms. He didn’t seem to mind the fact that I was also a man._

_I guess living in a place like this, makes people both more and less tolerant to some things._

_But my feelings for Markus changed._

_I really liked him as a friend. I could share my true feelings with him. We talked about a lot of things together. We talked about philosophy, life, the Circus and its people._

_We dreamed together of a better world._

_There was only one thing I couldn’t talk about with Markus: my growing affection towards him._

_I began to like him more than necessary._

_I wanted to spend even more time with him. I wanted to be closer to him than I already was._

_I wanted to hold hands, hug more, even cuddle. I wanted to_ kiss _him._

_From time to time we shared platonic hugs and exchanged a few reassuring kisses on the cheek but that was all._

_We never went further than that and it made me wonder if Markus saw more in me as well or if I’m the only silly one here._

_\--_

_Jaska and I were sitting in our cages, we got transported to another place. The Circus was on the move once more._

_The rain poured down on us and you could hear the lamenting voices of other Freaks._

_Some of them were crying, others were shouting and a few were heard praying._

_I tried to ignore it this time around. Crazy sat in another cage than Jaska and me. I dared a glance at Jani. He was seen counting the raindrops that fell on his arms and hands._

_Then my eyes rested on Jaska._

_He was gazing into the grey environment. I crouched closer to him and wondered if we could share body heat despite the fact that both of us were soaked to the bone already._

_When I pressed my shoulder against his, it made Jaska look up._

_‘You mind?’, I asked._

_And then Jaska wanted to say something but his words seemed to get stuck in his throat for only a second but it seemed to be much longer than just one second._

_His slightly golden eyes were a bit longer fixed on me than usual._

_It made my heart skip a beat as corny as it may sound._

_‘Of course not’, and with that said, Jaska wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer. I smiled._

_Together we watched the gloomy landscapes pass by. There was a long silence until Jaska dared to speak up._

_‘What do you think?’_

_‘About what?’, I wanted to know._

_‘About us’, he muttered._

_‘I don’t know. We’re good friends, right?’, I said but deep within I knew he meant something different._

_Yet, I didn’t dare to believe my guesses would be true._

_‘Yeah, Markus. We’re very good friends. But something’s changing. I mean,_ I _am changing. I feel it’, Jaska sounded unsure. I was too cowardice to look him in the eyes again so I kept my focus on the distance._

_‘So, what do you mean with that?’, I gulped._

_Silence._

_I inhaled sharply and tasted some rain on my tongue. I almost got startled when Jaska shifted._

_Finally we dared to face each other. Jaska’s face looked sad._

_‘Y-You can tell me. I won’t judge’, I stammered nervously and my friend outed a chuckle._

_‘I know that… still’, now he tried to stroke away some hair out of his eyes so he could see me better._

_‘Markus, how do I put this?’_

_Unexpectedly, he leaned in closer and whispered: ‘I hate to say this but I think I’m in love with you.’_

_I gasped. My “suspicions” were true: Jaska was in love with me._

_My body was trembling because of the harsh weather, yet inside me I became warmer._

_My whole life, I thought no one would fall in love with a Freak like me. In my own eyes, I looked ugly and deformed with all those stitches and scars on me._

_‘Are you for real?’, I felt stupid for asking._

_‘Yes I am real!’, Jaska almost growled. Then his expression softened and I’m pretty sure he was blushing behind that hairy façade._

_‘It’s okay. I gotta confess something too’, I muttered._

_Jaska waited for my answer I never said out loud. Instead I leaned in and kissed him fully on the lips. It was quick, but I put my heart in it. I hoped I could give a piece of my heart to him._

_After I retreated, he let his fingers brush over his mouth in disbelief._

_‘Does that answer enough?’, I asked. Now I felt like blushing all over my body._

_‘Yes’, Jaska sighed. I gave him a smile and he smiled back._

_‘Just why me?’, I wanted to know. ‘Look at me! I have scars all over my body!’_

_‘Doesn’t matter to me. Maybe you should ask yourself that question too. Why did you fall in love with a ball of hair like me’, Jaska countered with a grin._

_‘I think it makes you even more cuddlier’, I said. It made Jaska roll with his eyes._

‘Thanks, Markus. Please, don’t be ashamed of your own body. I think you’re still so beautiful. All those scars? In  my eyes they’re the proof of your endurance and strength’, Jaska mused before we shared a tender hug.

Our bodies were still shaking because of the cold, but the confession sparked a fire inside us that would hopefully never extinguish.

 

**_So let's be sinners to be saints_ **

**_And let's be winners by mistake_ **

**_The world may disapprove_ **

**_But my world is only you_ **

**_And if we're sinners then it feels like heaven to me_ **

 

_Life went on for the two Freaks. Everything stayed like it was before and yet at the same time everything changed._

_Finally the last “wall” that separated the two men had vanished._

_Yet, they had to be careful when it came to showing affection to each other in the open like that._

_Being Freaks was already worse enough._

_But despite having to hide some feelings to the public, when they were in the barracks, Jaska and Markus were always found together. They gave each other hugs and gentle kisses and soft touches._

_Subtle love, as Markus referred to it._

_‘Do you think we’ll be able to love each other to the fullest one day?’, Jaska wanted to know._

_‘You mean we don’t love each other enough?’, Markus asked._

_‘No, no. I love you so much, Markus! But our affection has to stay at a certain level to not be noticed by unwanted eyes’, Jaska whispered back._

_‘Oh, I see. Well, I hope one day we can show our love as much as possible without restrictions’, Markus murmured before they fell asleep in each other’s arms._

 

**_Our hearts are too ruthless to break_ **

**_Let's start fires for heaven’s sake_ **

**_Our hearts are too ruthless to break_ **

**_Let's start fires for heaven’s sake_ **

**_Our hearts are too ruthless to break_ **

**_Let's start fires for heaven’s sake_ **

**_Our hearts are too ruthless to break_ **

****

_‘Jaska?’_

_‘Markus?’_

_‘Remember that night you told me you thought we couldn’t out our love to the fullest?’_

_‘Yep. I remember that. What about it?’_

_‘We might not be able to do that now but we can imagine how it would go, right?’, Markus replied._

_Jaska scratched his beard._

_‘What do you mean: “imagine”? Isn’t that what kids do?’, he grunted._

_‘Maybe. But adults can dream and imagine things too. It makes this world more bearable if you can dream a little from time to time’, Markus argued._

_‘So, what do you dream of? What do you imagine then?’, Jaska wanted to know._

_‘I was thinking about going on a date’, Markus replied with a smile. They were sitting back to back in their cage. The Circus was moving and the star sky was out. No rain this time around._

_‘A date? Sounds silly’, Jaska muttered but Markus could hear the curiosity and hope in his lover’s voice._

_‘Yes. Just a date between you and me.’_

_Jaska chuckled: ‘Oh, I can imagine it already. We’re wearing some fancy suits and we go to… a restaurant?’_

_‘Exactly. I’ll take you out for dinner at a delicious restaurant and there we can eat as much as we want.’_

_‘I’ll go for the meat. But I’d like some nice veggie soup to begin with’, Jaska mused._

_‘Interesting. What should we do after dinner?’_

_‘I’d take you with me to the movies. I’ll have a nice pickup truck and we’ll drive there to watch some sappy romantic movie’, Jaska suggested and it made Markus laugh out loud._

_‘Never deemed you to be that romantic!’_

_‘Well, I chose that particular kind of genre, so we wouldn’t have to pay attention to what’s on the screen actually’, Jaska smirked._

_Now the two men parted and faced each other instead._

_Markus traced his hand over Jaska’s face._

_‘You mean so we could gaze in each other’s eyes instead?’, he guessed and Jaska nodded before he let his hand wander of Markus’ face._

_‘Say, Markus, if we’d go on a date, would we look normal?’_

_‘Define normal. Because if you mean “normal” like the “Normal Ones” then I’d rather stay a Freak’, came Markus’ answer._

_‘True that. I love you, Markus. And I gotta admit, this whole imagining stuff is very nice.’_

_‘Thanks. Love you too, Jaska.’_

_‘But really, now I can imagine the two of us going on a date together!’_

_Jaska’s genuine joy amused Markus and it made his heart feel warmer. It wasn’t often that Jaska displayed such excitement. So every time the taller man was like that, Markus cherished the moment and locked it in his mind palace so he could come back to that memory of a happy Jaska._

**_So let's be sinners to be saints_ **

**_And let's be winners by mistake_ **

**_The world may disapprove_ **

**_But my world is only you_ **

****

**_And if we're sinners then_ **

**_It feels like heaven_ **

**_To me_ **

 

Markus is writing on his typewriter when he hears a knock on the door. Could it be Jari? Or is it Jaska or Jani?

He decides to put his work down and opens the front door. He gets greeted by a sudden kiss from his lover.

‘Jaska! So early today!’

‘Yep. Boss suddenly was in a very good mood and said we could go home earlier so here I am! What about you? Still working?’ Jaska explains.

 ‘Kind of. But it’s difficult’, Markus murmurs as he lets his partner in.

‘Is Jani annoying you?’ Jaska laughs but his lover shakes his head.

‘No. He is in the city. Doing his things. Jari is still working, though.’

‘Good. In that case you should stop’, Jaska declares. Markus gives him a confused look.

‘You mean stop working?’

The taller man nods. ‘Yes. Come with me.’ He reaches out for Markus with his hand.

Hesitatingly Markus takes it.

 ‘To where?’

‘We’re going on a date!’, Jaska exclaims.

 ‘A date?’

‘Yes, a date, Markus! Remember the date that never was but we clearly imagined it?’ Jaska tries to make Markus remember. And then his lover recalls the memory.

 ‘Are you serious?’, Markus dares to question.

Now Jaska wraps his full arms around his lover and picks up and swirls him around.

 ‘Of course! We should profit from my day off! Besides, Jari and Jani don’t need us at the moment! So are you coming with me or not?’

 ‘I guess I can’t refuse such wonderful offer!’, Markus smirks.

‘Exactly. Markus, we’re finally going on a date. Who thought it would be possible one day?’

 ‘Well, not me.’

‘Neither me. But here we are. Free men, free lovers. Gosh, Markus, I love you so much!’

 ‘And I love you back, Jaska.’

 

**_And if we're sinners then it feels like heaven to me_ **


End file.
